A Denver Odyssey

The Shortest Drive

Much of Missouri is a blur to Tim, not because he was tired nor in the zone, but because it was a dark night with no moon nor stars to be seen. The night crept on, as did the road, and small town after small town connected the countryside with the larger cities. Three hours sped by and the traffic density remained exactly the same. Many travelers along the same route, with perhaps the same destination, and nothing more than their speed in common. A lone station wagon blazes past the Stanza going 90 m.p.h. How did the occupants of the Stanza know this? They quickly accelerated and caught up with the 1980's Chevrolet Celebrity Wagon. The tandem took control of the open midwestern road for at least five minutes before Tim realized the stupidity of his actions and wisely eased off the accelerator.

No sooner had our navigator noted to himself and Derek (between one of his fits of sleeping) that he was seeing no police on the road, he spotted red and blue flashers about a mile ahead of him on the right. Tim slowed as he overtook the vehicles, noticed the law-breaking car was none other than the 1980's Chevy Celebrity Wagon. Tim's heart pounded faster and his chest felt heavy as he quickly realized that the car he had just passed could have, and perhaps should have, been him. The driver let out a huge sigh of relief as his decision to cease his excessive speeding was wise and timely.

A Shakey Leg and Greasy Spoon

An indeterminate amount of time later, the two began seeing the beautiful sights of an unknown city. Tim had woken Derek up so he could enjoy the sights of the apparent Emerald City. They were approaching what they would soon realize was Kansas City. The two gazed upon the city in the early morning urban glow. Tim remarked how amazing it appeared as the central business district (thank you, Geography Minor) towered over the sprawl of the industrial areas at its feet. This view would be short-lived, as Tim's bladder was notifying him that it was nearly filled to capacity and a release of pressure was necessary. The travellers scanned the landscape for an refuge for their bodily waste. It also came to their attention that gasoline and potential energy in the form of food would soon be needed as well. Upon finding no sign of such refuge, our navigator desperately pulled off at a random exit. With still nothing in sight, he turned a corner and found an idle industrial park. The woods located beside it would provide the perfect stopping place for their most necessary objective. The pair gave a little stretch, and a bend, and eagerly jumped into their chariot after spotting a police officer who would surely lead them to a feeding hole in a matter of minutes.

The next objective that would be manifested on this journey would be that of automobile refueling. A Phillips 76 station was found that appeared to be open. A sign on the gas pump stated that any refueling after dark should be pre-paid, so Derek approached the convenience store with renewed confidence that Kansas City was in fact a great city. He tugged on the door. Nothing. He went to the other side. Nothing. Cash payment was apparently not possible. In true Jerry Seinfeld/American Express style, Tim pulled out his debit card and authorized the gas pump. It miraculously worked despite the station appearing closed.

After successful refueling, the travellers spied a greasy spoon across the street from the Phillips 66. Derek and Tim took advantage of the sighting and made a b-line for the watering hole. The pair were immediately greeted and sat down at a booth next to a window. The waitress quickly took their drink order and brought coffee and orange juice delights. Feeling their stomachs begin to be eaten from the insides out, they ordered their greasy meal a.s.a.p. Tim began filling in the captain's log immediately...

"4:02 a.m. (EDT) Phillip's 66 - When in Kansas City, one must appparently do as the Kanesians do...fill up their gas tanks before 9:00 p.m. Derek and I were cruising into the Kansas City area around 3:30 a.m. (EDT) and needed three things:

1. Restrooms
2. Gas
3. Food

One would assume that Kansas City would be the same as every other large city in Missouri, Illinois, Indiana, or Ohio. But s/he would be wrong. Instead of finding a Walmart-esqu truck stop where a Pilot is combined with a Denny's and one has the choice to use either's restroom, we trekked all over the city finding nothing. I ended up in the woods behind an industrial park before we drove another 10 minutes and found a Phillips 66 station and finally a little restaurant called Wyandotte Cafe. If you are ever in Kansas City at 3:00 a.m. and need a greasy fix, Wyandotte Cafe is the place to go. Heck, it's probably the only place to go, but still....

Kansas City itself is a beautiful city. From our view of it from I-70, it appears to be on the top of a giant hill with relics of the industrial revolution spreading out at the bottom. I'd love to spend a day there just for fun, but alas, our trip is fast and our time is short. Next stop: the road to Salina (Kill Bill Mention.)"

The Road to Salina

Derek took over the role of drive after we ate. This was by far the most difficult leg of the journey. Not only was it 4:00 a.m. (EDT), but we had just stuffed ourselves at Wyandotte Cafe. The situation appeared perilous to the driver. To the passenger, everything was right as rain for a time as he fell into a deep slumber in the right hand seat. Derek maintained consciousness by blaring Radiohead (Hail to the Thief) and other sleep-unfriendly music. To add to Tim's unsleepability, Derek sang along at truely Panterian levels and called every person in his phone book except his father (using his free nights and weekend minutes, no less). Around 8:00 a.m., Derek pulled into a rest area near Ellsworth, KS and woke tim from his R.E.M. state. A quick PBAM (Pee, Brush teeth, Allergy Medicine) and a few pictures later, the two were back on the road with Tim at the helm and Derek to his right. During his brief period of awakedness, he wrote this entry in the captain's log:

"8:28 a.m. (EDT) Middle-of-Nowhere, KS - "They're just tiny dots on the landscape of my life." --Tiiim, in reference to the cows which I think may be free range. When having that thought, I yelled "You are free with the zeal I once had for this!" My driving stint was largely a blur peppered with loud singing. There is a trade off between keeping myself awake and letting Tiiim sleep so that I was still sifting through layers of consciousness even while drumming and singing loudly. I wonder if I fell fully asleep if I could still keep the beat. We brushed out teeth in Kansas. I finished the leg to Salina, but missed it somehow. We were on the road to Salina!

and I guess I've got
the goal, falling asleep
while drumming and singing
Stanza(s)
it is so loud, the radio
is only a reference
to cortex catalogued tracks
back to "sue"
but that is a star, for another time
and is a a story for another time,
sadly,
and I can keep the beat
while asleep. I am beating
you, made my
dreams a reality
but backwards."

You Better Believe It's Flat

Our buddie, Tim, had never seen Kansas before. He thinks it was a lot like Missouri, but since he couldn't see Missouri due the the darkness, he doesn't know. Derek's 4:30 a.m. - 8:00 a.m. (EDT) sunrise driving shift had taken the Ambiguously Straight Duo just past halfway through the state. When Tim took over, they were smack in the middle of the plains of Kansas. He was at first amazed by the rolling hills near the truck stop, but Derek quickly informed him that those were the only two hills in the state. He was just about right. Kansas is a big, flat, wheat-filled prairie. Little happened on that long, lonely stretch of highway. Tim began to feel tired and was at an 8 of 10 on the Denver Odyssey Sleep-o-Scale. He didn't want to wake Derek because Derek had allowed Tim some courtesy sleep and Tim wanted to return the favor. He began calling several different people including his grandmother, a pothead, and a soldier. Sound like the beginning of a bad joke. None of them really got that the point of his phone call was to help keep him awake. Some people. He toughed it out and around 1:00 p.m. (EDT), the Chariot Stanza skidded to a stop at the Colorado state line. Derek flipped out as he woke up and saw the car skidding towards the sign on the gravel shoulder. Tim had it all under control, but that is still no way to wake up. A quick pic (see the Journey Home page) and an illegal restroom break in an oversized bush later and the Travelling Twosome was back on the road. Tim hated himself, but he had to say it..."Derek, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore."

"1:00 p.m. (EDT) Flagler, CO - Derek and i made it through Kansas without much incident. People always complain about the monotony of Kansas and Nebraska, but I found it to be quite beautiful and pleasing up until the last leg of my driving. I grew to an 8 or 9 on our sleepiness scale. I didn't want to wake Derek because he had afforded me the same luxury from Kansas City until Ellsworth (65 miles west of Salina). I called several peopl, including Granny, Val, and Kris, but they were either not there or were not getting the point of my phone call. I ended up toughing it out until the 1 mile marker in Kansas when I got excited and began looking for the "Welcome to Colorado" sign. Once I saw it, I nailed the clutch and brake (Marty McFly style) and pulled off to the side of the road for a pic. From there, Derek and I peed (separately) and he began driving towards Denver. Then came the Flagler stop where we got our final tank of gas on the trip. It's gone by so fast and is a ridiculous amount to try taking in all at once."

Road Trip Mention

And so the final leg of the road trip began. The entire journey was far from over, but this would be the last part spent in the [Co]Stanza. A few miles into the state of Colorado and the travellers were beginning to notice dramatic landscape changes. The grain-covered plains eased into rolling grasslands spotted with cows and the occasional bison. Derek forged on towards Denver at break-neck speeds as Tim dozed in the passenger seat. After a few hours, Derek tried waking Tim to help with directions once they were in Denver, but the navigator was out like a light. Several failed attempts later, Derek finally managed to keep Tim awake long enough to call Jen so they could figure out where to go. The crew made a loop around Denver, downshifting in the lunch hour traffic. Tim starred at the mountains and stadiums that dotted the landscape. Truely amazing. They arrived at Starbucks in their ratty, smelly shorts and stained tshits around 3:00 p.m. (EDT) or exactly 24 hours after they got started in Columbus. The neighborhood the Starbucks is in is one of the ritziest in the city, so Tim and Derek stood out like sore thumbs. They didn't care. They had accomplished their mission in time frame that their parents had warned them not to do. They were on top of the world, kings of the earth. Nothing could beat them now. Except sleep. Even though they got free caffeinated drinks at Starbucks. After a quick visit to the generous apartment-sharer Jen, the two made their way to her apartment where they lounged around for the next six or seven hours. Though little sleep was had, much laziness ensued.

We Didn't Play Our Cards Right

Once our weary travellers and Jen met up with Stevo and Stef, they sought out a refuge for a few burgers, some laughs. The group walked several blocks and ended up at Blake Street Tavern, where the beer is fresh and the waitresses not so fresh. A couple of the group members decided to have hot food, while the others decided to keep their colons intact and stick with traditional favorites. Towards the end of their meal, a man approached their table and asked them to join him on the Jim Beam bus right outside the tavern. There were a few scantily clad young women who were wearing Jim Beam logos, so the Denverians assumed they would be on the bus as well. After their delicious meal, the group headed out to the Jim Beam bus where they were given shots of Jim Beam Black (though the "cheerleaders" took their sweet damn time pouring the shots). They didn't stick around too long because they were afraid of being pressured into buying something. The following day, Tim summarized the second day of the Denver Odyssey.

"10:00 a.m. (MST) Steve's Apartment - We arrived exactly 24 hours yesterday. Twentyone if you include the time change. Denver is pretty impressive so far. The mountains look amazing even though I haven't gotten closer than a couple miles to them. We went to a restaurant last night called Blake Street Tavern. The food and beer were great. I think the beer was an amber lager from their microbrewery and it was probably the best microbrew I've ever had. The chicken club with avocado was awesome. Maybe that was because I hadn't eaten a meal since we stopped in Kansas City, but it was still really good. A guy cam up to us at the restaurant and asked us to join him and some "cheerleaders" on the Jim Beam Bus. And "if we played our cards right, we could follow the bus around." Thanks for the privilege? We obliged and went on the bus. They gave us a shot of Jim Beam Black and we went on our way before they forced us to buy something. Today, it's Red Rocks."